If I circle my left wrist with right thumb and middle
finger, they meet without any problem. And if my thumb joint would allow me to
straighten it, it looks like they could even overlap.
Does this mean my right wrist is bigger than my left? Weird.
Well, that’s not the case. But the real case is still weird.
Turns out my left thumb is about ¼ inch shorter than my right thumb. My mom
used to tease me that I stunted its growth by sucking it but then she’d say I
sucked my right thumb and made it stretch. LOL! Wikipedia gives several labels
for it: clubbed thumb, murderer’s thumb (further investigation needs to be done
as I think it would be interesting to know the origins of that!), potter’s
thumb, toe thumb, and finally brachydactyly type D of the congenital musculoskeletal
abnormalities, which just means I was born with one thumb small enough to be
Thumbelina. I’ve never attempted to hitch hike but I’m wondering which thumb
would be more successful.
I know there are more Thumbelina people out there, some of
them even have two brachydactyly (why do I keep picturing a dinosaur when I
type that word?) thumbs. But double clubbed thumbs would not help me make my
point today.
That is, before coming to a conclusion about something we
need to get all the facts. If a person describing me only saw the first two
photos, they could say, “Anita’s wrists aren’t the same size.” Or they could
look closer and get out the measuring tape and realize it’s all about the
thumbs.
There is something else about me with a tendency to get
misconstrued. It’s even less evident to the naked eye than my thumbs. I’m an
introvert. Doesn’t mean I’m shy or timid or that I don’t like people. It does
mean that my energy level depletes quickly when I’m with people. I re-stock my
energy by getting into my own head. So I love being with people but in shorter
time frames. And while I prefer smaller groups, larger groups are doable if I
can take breaks.
Sometimes when I’m in a large group of people and everyone’s
talking at once—you know what I mean, girlfriends, we’ve all got something
important to say and we just can’t wait to say it—I start to feel overwhelmed.
You ever see a little kid start crying in a room full of
people and there doesn’t seem to be any reason for it? That was me. First day of
VBS with my grandma’s church. Mom dropped me off and went home. Grandma, being one
of the Cookie Ladies, wasn’t involved in registration. I felt so proud, not
quite six years old and I was going to do this all by myself. Gave my name and
answered the questions of the lady filling out the little card. Allowed my name
tag to be pinned on my shirt. Followed directions to stand in that line. Looked
at the crayons another little girl showed me.
And then suddenly I became aware that the room was bursting
with kids, boisterous kids, happy kids, not a single one being mean or
anything, but what could I do but inexplicably burst into tears! I couldn’t
explain what I was experiencing to any of the adults who came running. I just
knew I needed to “g-g-g-go h-h-h-h-home. My mommy needs me to h-h-h-help take
care of my ba-a-a-by sister!” Eventually they located Grandma who took me with
her to the kitchen where I helped her set out the cookies for snack time. When
I’d calmed down she asked me if I’d like to see what the other children were
doing—she’d come with me and be with me the whole time. Once I’d seen how they
were all gathered in small groups around tables doing crafts (Oh, boy! Crafts!
I’m there!), it was a piece of cake for me to stay with them, instead of with
Grandma.
Retrospectively I’ve identified what that was all about. Changing
the labels of “Crybaby” and “Scaredy-Cat” to “Excited Little Introverted Girl
on Sensory Overload” is very healing.
Although on occasion I still cry when I’m with people (now for
entirely different reasons—I mean, when hearts are being shared some
discussions are just going to be five-Kleenex rated), I’ve learned to take a
break without even leaving the room. I call it “zoning out”. It might mean that
I close my eyes. Or my eyes will stay open while I retreat into my thoughts. I
block out what is going on around me.
The awkward thing about this is that I’m not always aware
that I’ve zoned out and my face may have an expression that could be
interpreted as incongruent to my environment. I might even make a “huh” sound
as I follow my own thoughts. But those around me could assume I’ve indicated an
opinion about what’s being discussed. Oops!
Hopefully if you’re with me, or maybe with someone else you
know is an introvert, you’ll ask clarifying questions. If you do, you’ll always
get a thumbs up—little brachiosaurus and the other one—from me.
